Thursday, April 19, 2007

Brief Encounters

The Telegraph has a very interesting article on Internet dating sites and their dangers. Such sites are booming in the UK and worldwide.

The advice given by the article is "Don`t begin. Don`t try. You`ll end up with much more than having your fingers burnt." The sites promote a fantasy of an exciting life which might be tempting to someone who is tired of the ennui of "ordinary life". The promoters of the sites just watch the money flowing in.

An extract from the article:

"Thanks to the internet, committing adultery has become so simple that thousands are trying it. Tara Winter Wilson went online to get to the heart of the affair. ...

Adultery is easier than ever, it seems, and an estimated 80 per cent of marriages will have at least one spouse involved in marital infidelity. Much of it is due to the internet. Type in the words "adultery websites" on Google and several spring up -,, and, to name a few...

In the end, what all these adultery websites have in common is that they are used by men solely in search of sex with as many different partners as possible. Because of the fragile male ego, they don't want to pay for it, they want to be genuinely desired. Once they've satiated their appetite, however, they run off without a backward glance to the bosom of their family, guilt fanning their love for their wives even more....

For married females tempted to join an adultery website, heed the example of "Sugarplum", aged 52 and married for 22 years, who thought she had found what she'd been seeking for years.

"I had this ordinary mundane life and then I had this other part of my life which was secret, exciting and fulfilling," she wrote. "The mistake I made, however, was falling in love and leaving my husband. When the divorce came through, I never heard from my lover again."

Sugarplum's story is common. According to recent statistics in the American Journal of Sociology, 90 per cent of adulterous liaisons will end in regret. Women are wired differently to men: most find it virtually impossible to emotionally detach from an intimate encounter. The men, on the other hand, are natural predators....

The sanest advice to anyone contemplating adultery, particularly through a website, is: don't. If you're a man and your wife finds out, it takes on average between two to four years to be forgiven, and the bond of trust is broken for ever. And if you're a woman convinced you are only interested in sex, just like the men, chances are that you'll end up heartbroken and kicking yourself for being so weak.

So if an ennui has crept into your marriage, talk it over, visit a marriage guidance counsellor together, go on a holiday, change the routine, inject some romance - anything. Work to save your marriage. Looking in cyberspace is not the answer."